If her response was, "I have this specialist you should contact, dear", that's a dead give away that you're dealing with a mom that's holding fake Chinese credentials. It's mostly likely Ethan Hunt underneath that Chinese mom mask.
If she's a real Chinese mom she would have already gone MD on you and gave you a home remedy that sounds like she learned it from another Chinese mom while both were trippin' on LSD.
You: "I have this soreness in my left knee joint that's been lingering for a..."
Before you can even finish describing your ailment she whips out a claypot that contains a whole lot of WTF and starts treating you with it.
Chinese Mom: "This paste is perfect for sore joints. Secret recipe past down through 4 generations. Not even my husband and children know it."
You: "......."
You're speechless because the concoction she's applying to your sore knee looks like dog turd and smells like a fish market. Just as you start to wonder how she came up with this, she asks you to show her your tongue.
Chinese Mom: "Show me your tongue."
You oblige. What else can you do while she's rubbing dog dodo on your left knee?
Chinese Mom: "Not good. Your energy is not balance. You have too much heat. That's why your knee won't heal."
While you're wondering what 'having too much heat' means, she whips out a bowl of herbal soup. It's dark as ink and smells like ganja that's been slow-cooked inside lamb testicles stuffed inside camel intestines for 2 weeks.
Chinese Mom: This herbal soup is for balancing your heat. Made from blah, blah, blah, blah, and blah...
You can't make out most of the ingredients because it's a cacophony of stuff that only have Chinese names.
Chinese Mom: "Drink now while hot. One big gulp. Be good boy."
Again you oblige. You have no idea why, but you suspect it's punishment for allowing a harmless 60-year-old Chinese woman to rub dog crap on your left knee.
You swallow. Take a deep breath. Immediately the stench of the soup permeates into your nose. Now the smell of ganja that's been slow-cooked inside lamb testicles stuffed inside camel intestines for 2 weeks is etched into your cranium. You do all you can to fight your gagging reflex for the next few minutes. Just as you're about to hurl, she shoves a mouthful of 3-year-old Halloween candy down your throat. Suddenly you're as right as rain.
Treatment done for today. She hands you 5 packets and tell you to repeat this home remedy for the next 5 days. She also tell you that she'll call your mom to give her instructions on what to do with the 5 packets of WTF.
You leave with dog turd wrapped around your left knee, smelling like a fish market, the stench of lamb testicles and camel intestines tickling your nostrils, 3-year-old Halloween candy in your mouth, and 5 packets that ensure you'll go through this torment again for the rest of the week.
Happy times!
Strangely enough, you feel your energy is more balanced (whatever the heck that means). Your knee is not as sore. It's probably because you're so focused on the stench of ganja, lamb testicles, and camel intestines making a permanent home in your booger canal that you can care less about your knee. All the same, you're damaged enough to start believing in her witchcraft.
Sounds like a bunch of boloney? Have a chat with any Chinese mom, particularly the Cantonese ones. Have a chat with MY MOM. Just a few weeks back I was dealing with a very bad cough. I try to keep my illnesses secret from her for fear of being submitted to her home remedies. She somehow finds out and show up at my condo within the hour. In 15 minutes, she whips up a batch of hell that consists of overly ripened bananas, honey, salt, chopped chili peppers, and something green and mushy that smells of seaweed and rotten eggs she found in her garden (Don't try this at home, kids). She forces it down my throat and tells my wife to repeat this for the next 5 days or until I stop coughing.
Felt like mom learned this home remedy in a passing conversation with another Chinese mom? Check. Want to hurl? Check. Can't Listerine that stench out of my breath? Check. So traumatized by what was ingested that I stopped coughing so that I don't have to go through that again? You bet.
That is why, even in this day and age, every Chinese mom has a home remedy for whatever ails you.
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