Thursday, March 15, 2012

Do You Know Any Chinese Who Uses Deodorant? I Don't

Most Chinese people I know don't use deodorant or antiperspirant.

You can search my condo and all my relatives' homes. You would be hard pressed to find any products remotely resembling antiperspirant or deodorant. Out of all my Chinese friends, I know of only one who actually keeps a stick of deodorant in the bathroom.

Why is that, you ask?

I have no idea. Maybe my Chinese social network represents a weird anomaly of non-deodorant users. Who knows? That's the closest you're gonna get to a fact-based analysis from me. Instead I will offer you my completely unbiased opinion:

Chinese don't have BO. Everyone else does.

Again, I want to stress, completely unbiased opinion...

You stink. We don't.


Here are my completely unbiased reasons why:

1. Dairy products are not part of our regular diet

The dairy products you consume mainly come from cows. Have you been around one lately? They smell awful. Well guess what? You are what you eat. If you consume a lot stuff made from cow secretions like milk, yogurt, or cheese your gonna smell like a cow. Stop falling for those "Got Milk?" ads and you'll stop smelling like you ran marathon an hour after you stepped out of the shower.

2. Our BO is masked by the Chinese herbal smells that follow us like our shadows

We Chinese people slam down herbal soups and teas with more frequency than Barry Bonds was slamming down steroids when he was hitting home runs every at-bat. Again, you are what you eat and we eat a lot of herbal-based stuff. You can't smell our BO because it's masked by the stench of herbal remedies oozing out of our hairless Chinese pores.

So there you have it. Chinese people don't use deodorant because we don't need to. We don't need to because we don't eat stuff that oozes out of a cow utter like everyone else in the world does, but instead we eat stuff that causes us to smell like a spice cabinet 24 hours a day.

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